{"id":703,"date":"2026-07-14T11:06:18","date_gmt":"2026-07-14T11:06:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=703"},"modified":"2026-07-14T11:06:18","modified_gmt":"2026-07-14T11:06:18","slug":"how-singing-with-other-people-can-help-you-move-through-grief-and-despair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=703","title":{"rendered":"How singing with other people can help you move through grief and despair"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I used to think I could change the world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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More than that: because I could, I felt the responsibility to do it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I was 22 when I helped lead a delegation of young people to the United Nations. There, we pressured presidents and prime ministers to reduce carbon emissions, hoping to prevent the horrors of rising sea levels and catastrophic heat waves. Strangely, although I was immersed in the distressing climate science and the details of international policy negotiations, what I remember most from that time is my own sense of agency. If we organized, if we took action; I knew we could protect the beautiful world we loved.<\/p>\n

Read more Why the Trump administration loves the stupidest renewable energy<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I don\u2019t feel that so much anymore. Though I\u2019m not yet 40, and still going through the motions of voting and donating to causes and candidates doing good, my heart has been crushed by the headlines lately. I feel defeated. Rather than believing my choices can shape the world around me, I oscillate between sadness and cynicism, numbing myself by eating a lot of chocolate cookies.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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If you, too, suffer from weltschmerz<\/em>, as the Germans call the despair at the state of the world \u2014 or if something else, like a death or divorce, has you feeling low \u2014 it might be time to pause on taking action and give into the grief.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Religious traditions have long centered grieving rituals amid the happier celebrations and festivals in their calendar. Entire sacred texts consist of lamentation \u2014 crying out to the divine in dismay.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Walter Brueggemann, a scholar of the Hebrew Bible, explained in 2020 that lament is not just an expression of sadness. He said, \u201cLament is the breaking of numbness by the admission of pain and loss.\u201d In a culture where grief is still seen as unseemly or inconvenient and people are encouraged to \u201cbe strong\u201d and move on quickly, this ancient wisdom teaches us that we have to cry out if we want to retrieve a sense of hope and possibility. As Brueggemann writes, \u201cOnly those who embrace the reality of death will receive the new life.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But how do we do it? Where can we go to weep and mourn? And how do I get out of my own way? I\u2019m pretty good at talking about<\/em> the sadness and the anger and the pain; I can understand the therapeutic need to grieve. But actually doing<\/em> it? Turns out, I suck at that!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Then \u2014 just recently \u2014 a portal opened.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I\u2019d gathered a group of friends for my monthly singing night: a chance to make music together for the joy of participation rather than performance. We sing simple rounds and folk songs, harmonizing where we can, and always close with a rousing rendition of an old shape note song in four-part harmony. After putting the foldable chairs away and clearing the wine glasses into the dishwasher, a few of us lingered behind.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Inspiration struck, and I shared my heartache about the latest horror from the White House. One by one, others started to share their pain, too. And then, Matthew, a particularly talented musical improviser, got behind the piano to sing his sadness. His voice jumped from one note to another and suddenly my eyes filled with tears and my heart filled with life. Something was shifting.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Ahlay Blakely is not surprised by this. Not at all. Blakely is a modern-day grief ritualist, songwriter, and facilitator. She sees herself as a professional mourner, hosting retreats and gatherings that help people touch their grief in tender and radical ways.<\/p>\n

Read more Is the Iran war back on for real?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cSinging with people is often a gateway to deeper work with grief,\u201d she explained to me. Because so many of us have a sense that our voices aren\u2019t good enough, singing immediately makes us vulnerable, opening us to the deeper pain we might be avoiding in our everyday lives. Singing, Blakely said, is \u201cnot about what it sounds<\/em> like at all, it\u2019s what it feels<\/em> like in your body.\u201d Blakely\u2019s insight into the power of communal singing led her to create an entire album of grief songs with some 200 amateur singers, and that listeners like us can join in with. Its purpose is nothing less than the re-enchantment of the human soul.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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A study from 2014 shows there might be a scientific explanation for this. Musicologist Gunter Kreutz conducted an experiment with amateur choral singers in which he measured oxytocin levels across two contexts: before and after a 30-minute choir rehearsal, and before and after an informal conversation with another choir member. Remarkably, oxytocin, which is sometimes described as the \u201clove hormone,\u201d increased only during group singing \u2014 not during ordinary social interaction. In other words, singing enhances our well-being and connects us to others more effectively than conversation alone.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But that magic doesn\u2019t come by moving through the grief \u2014 processing it and moving on. No, insists Blakely, \u201cPeople often are trying to get over their grief. And grief is just as powerful and potent\u2026as happiness and laughter. Are we trying to get over our laughter? Are we trying to get over our happiness?\u201d Blakely wants us to court grief as an ally.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Carla Fernandez, author of Renegade Grief<\/em>, agrees. For her, grief is not something to overcome, but to befriend. Whatever our assumptions about falling apart, grief, she told me, \u201cis not messy \u2014 it\u2019s wildly fertile. When we don\u2019t go there, we miss out on such fecundity from which real relationships can grow, and solutions can form, and ideas can emerge.\u201d In other words, grief isn\u2019t a dangerous can of worms, but the soil from which new life can grow.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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That\u2019s what I felt sitting on my living room carpet as my friends and I sang together. And if you don\u2019t have a crew to do that with yet, start by singing along to music that helps you open up to grief. Laurel Premo\u2019s Laments<\/em> is another great grieving album \u2014 or you can just make up sounds to this digital chord-creating shruti box. Remember Blakely\u2019s advice: this isn\u2019t about how you sound. It\u2019s about how it feels in your body. If it feels like something is moving in your heart, keep singing.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Maybe this practice of collective singing is what we need more of in our political spaces, too. The success of the Singing Resistance in Minneapolis earlier this year was a testament to what music can do to mobilize people for collective action and bear witness to injustice in a way that keeps us hopeful and aware of the power we have to do good. Who knows \u2014 maybe singing will find its way back to cross political divides, too. One candidate in Iowa is starting every town hall by having people sing \u201cAmerica the Beautiful\u201d to remind them that whatever their differences, they can create beauty together.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Heidi Wilson, the composer of \u201cHold On,\u201d which has become somewhat of an anthem in the Singing Resistance movement, puts it best. \u201cGrief is about feeling cut off from something, losing something, and singing is an experience of reconnecting.\u201d I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re all looking for now. In fact, it might be the only way forward.<\/p>\n

Read more The real reason Congress keeps getting older<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

See More:<\/span><\/p>\n
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    When you feel terrible \u2014 or just numb \u2014 singing can be easier than talking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":702,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-703","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nHow singing with other people can help you move through grief and despair - American Living Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=703\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How singing with other people can help you move through grief and despair - American Living Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When you feel terrible \u2014 or just numb \u2014 singing can be easier than talking.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=703\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"American Living Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-14T11:06:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7b970e3bc484fe2e26860a4380d70de8\"},\"headline\":\"How singing with other people can help you move through grief and despair\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-14T11:06:18+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703\"},\"wordCount\":1248,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/989c356ec26e92f59eeb38dd29da0244.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Interesting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=703\",\"name\":\"How singing with other people can help you move through grief and despair - 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