{"id":672,"date":"2026-07-10T11:06:11","date_gmt":"2026-07-10T11:06:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=672"},"modified":"2026-07-10T11:06:11","modified_gmt":"2026-07-10T11:06:11","slug":"why-neighbor-feuds-bring-out-the-absolute-worst-in-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=672","title":{"rendered":"Why neighbor feuds bring out the absolute worst in us"},"content":{"rendered":"<div><div><div><div><div><p>I consider myself to be a considerate, level-headed, and rational person in public \u2014 I ensure my grocery cart doesn\u2019t block fellow shoppers and keep my eyes on the road when a souped-up F250 driver flips me off for going the speed limit.<\/p><p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=668\">ICE arrested a nun on her way to church. Does MAGA care?<\/a><\/p><\/div><div><p>But when I arrive back at my apartment complex to find a strange car parked in my reserved, shaded space that I pay a hefty monthly fee for \u2014 which happens often \u2014 any semblance of emotional maturity goes out the window. In the rare instances I catch the culprit, I resort to my reactive, hormonally turbulent pre-teen self, spewing profanities at them (which they\u2019ll sometimes hurl back). I have also expeditiously called a tow company, knowing full well it\u2019ll cost the owner hundreds of dollars to retrieve their vehicle.<\/p><\/div><div><p>Deep down, I know that my blinding rage isn\u2019t really about my ability to park at all (I could simply leave my car in an unreserved spot and move on with my life). There\u2019s something a lot deeper and more psychological brewing when it comes to neighbor feuds. \u201cWhere we live is where we form our identity, the story we tell ourselves about who we are,\u201d Bob Bordone, author of the book <em>Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In<\/em> and former director for the Harvard Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program, tells Vox. \u201cA lot of times, neighbor conflicts are about more than whatever it is we may be disagreeing on.\u201d<\/p><\/div><div><p>Here\u2019s exactly why neighbor feuds tend to bring out the worst in us \u2014 and what you can do if you feel like you\u2019re going to completely explode on the person across the street.<\/p><\/div><div><div><h2>Surface-level tiffs have deeper roots, and are often about our sense of identity and morality<\/h2><\/div><\/div><div><p>Americans are, at a baseline, fairly suspicious of others, and things have gotten worse over time: The number of adults in the US who believe \u201cmost people can be trusted\u201d dipped from 46% in 1972 to 34% in 2018, according to numbers from the General Social Survey from Pew Research Center. Pew also notes that people who <em>do<\/em> trust others are more likely to engage in neighborly tasks that facilitate relationships, like bringing in the mail or watering plants.<\/p><\/div><div><p>The pandemic also shifted the way we view strangers, with some data suggesting it caused us to be less trusting of others. And the presence of Ring cameras and other doorbell cams, which 62 percent of respondents in a 2025 US News &amp; World Report survey said they owned, probably aren\u2019t helping. As Allie Volpe recently reported for Vox, though the surveillance tools are designed to help people feel safer in their homes, they might make you more paranoid and fearful. \u201cIf you don\u2019t have actual relationships with your neighbors, you may become suspicious of them, too. Suddenly, everyone is a potential suspect,\u201d she explained.<\/p><\/div><div><p>But that mounting distrust really starts with the political and societal polarization that has become a defining characteristic of interpersonal relationships in the US in the past decade \u2014 and that has the potential to take neighbor disputes into a realm far beyond fears about property values. \u201cMaybe someone doesn\u2019t like the fact that their neighbor puts up a Trump sign or [shows visible] support for Palestine,\u201d Robert Sampson, a professor of sociology at Harvard University, tells Vox. \u201cThese more identity-based and social norm-based disputes are real, and that may be related to this generalized polarization in American life, but also a decline in trust in general.\u201d Some research suggests that, when people perceive their communities to be more polarized, they feel others can\u2019t \u201cbe trusted to do the right thing.\u201d That belief is going to affect whether and how you interact with, say, the person who is leaving their trash in the hallway.<\/p><\/div><div><p>Your home is also your place of respite, Saba Harouni Lurie, a therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy in Los Angeles, tells Vox \u2014 it\u2019s where you \u201cseek safety and calm.\u201d So when your next-door neighbor throws a Tuesday night shindig that creeps into Wednesday morning, it might seem like a personal attack.<\/p><\/div><div><p>\u201cIt feels violating,\u201d she explains. \u201cI also believe that we\u2019re animals and that we resource-guard. That can be really threatening.\u201d And when said neighbor is blasting a music genre you hate, <em>and<\/em> proudly flying a flag representing a political cause you don\u2019t agree with, <em>and<\/em> you can barely afford your rent or mortgage (as is the case with so many Americans), the chance for blood-curdling fury skyrockets.<\/p><\/div><div><p>Cass Dallas, a psychotherapist and founder of Cass Dallas Psychotherapy &amp; Training, tells Vox that the common stressors of life in 2026 can make these interactions a lot more tense and complicated. \u201cI think we are all working very hard to stay afloat and take care of ourselves in challenging times, which makes us more tired and have less energy for managing relationships,\u201d they explain. \u201cWe don\u2019t have a lot of control, if any, over who our neighbors are, or necessarily a lot in common with them on the surface.\u201d<\/p><p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=666\">A new speech shows how Israel lost the Democratic party<\/a><\/p><\/div><div><div><h2>Neighbor relationships aren\u2019t a priority <\/h2><\/div><\/div><div><p>I don\u2019t know a damn single one of my neighbors. Marc J. Dunkelman, senior fellow at the Searchlight Institute, fellow at the Watson School for International and Public Affairs at Brown University and author of <em>Why Nothing Works<\/em>, tells Vox that I\u2019m (unfortunately) in good company. He says people don\u2019t necessarily want those relationships to go wrong, but we\u2019re not invested enough in them going right, either. \u201cMaybe your neighbor would be more on your mind when you were like, \u2018I would like to vacuum late at night,\u2019 and you wouldn\u2019t do it if you knew the people who lived below you,\u201d he explains. \u201cAnd if you knew and appreciated the person who lived above you, maybe you would be more cognizant that they work 70 hours a week and the only time they can vacuum is late at night.\u201d<\/p><\/div><div><p>He adds that it\u2019s become common to associate\u201cgood\u201d neighborly behavior with minding your own business. \u201cThe definition of the word neighborly has evolved. Decades ago, it meant warmth. It meant bringing over a plate of cookies when someone moves in next door and introducing yourself,\u201d Dunkelman says. \u201cToday, to be neighborly means when you overhear something through the walls, you don\u2019t mention it to the person when you see them\u2026It\u2019s like a sense of alienation to be neighborly by not imposing yourself in someone\u2019s business.\u201d<\/p><\/div><div><div><h2>Smartphones are messing with our empathy <\/h2><\/div><\/div><div><p>When I scroll through TikTok, it doesn\u2019t take long to find content that validates my anger toward parking spot thieves \u2014 and I can recognize that my own inclination to call a tow company might have spawned from the belief that a lot of other angry renters do the same. Spats of any kind (neighbor ones included) tend to go gangbusters on algorithmic platforms, feeding into our craving to \u201cKarenize\u201d (a term I just made up, for the record) others. Humans crave seeing trainwrecks, taking sides, and watching the (so-called) villain lose, research suggests.<\/p><\/div><div><p>As Bordone points out, social feeds are a perfect, algorithm-driven curation of your personal preferences. But once you leave the house, you lose control. He says that, \u201cwith social media, we can cancel away or otherwise block people we don\u2019t like or agree with.\u201d Obviously, you can\u2019t just block your neighbor mid-dispute like you would do to someone online. That realization alone could make you feel trapped (and make beef with them all the more high-stakes).<\/p><\/div><div><p>\u201cIf you come home from a day where you were being badgered by your boss and you missed a deadline and you slept poorly the night before, and maybe you\u2019re hungry, and then [your neighbor is] vacuuming, you\u2019re likely to have a far greater reaction,\u201d Lurie explains.<\/p><\/div><div><p>As I recently reported for Vox, getting to know your neighbors \u2014 even just being aware of who they are \u2014 can boost your health, and theirs, considerably. These relationships have power and meaning, so it\u2019d behoove you both to handle a tense situation tenderly. \u201cI know this may sound really naive, but it\u2019s actually evidence-based to pause and to breathe,\u201d Bordone stresses, explaining that it can give your mind a chance to catch up with your body\u2019s fight-or-flight response so you can \u201cdo something purposeful instead of reactive.\u201d<\/p><\/div><div><p>Lurie warns against slipping a little note under their door \u2014 words can easily be misinterpreted, and it\u2019s hard to convey tone. \u201cWhen we\u2019re face-to-face with someone, we tend to be more thoughtful, more aware of the way that they\u2019re responding and maybe better able to actually speak to them with some care and kindness,\u201d Lurie says. You might say something like, \u201cHi there! I live downstairs and I just wanted to come by and introduce myself! I also wanted to mention that, you probably don\u2019t realize it, but when you vacuum, I can hear it right above my bed. I work an early schedule, so it can make it difficult to sleep if you do it late at night. I was wondering if there was a time that might work best for both of us, for you to do your chores? I know you work odd hours, too!\u201d<\/p><\/div><div><p>It\u2019s worth noting, however, that the best way to avoid these situations is to proactively get to know who lives next to you before there is a problem \u2014 trying to change a pissed-off neighbor\u2019s mind could be a losing battle, says Lurie.<\/p><\/div><div><p>While having empathy for strangers in your community might feel easier said than done, consider my personal parking space warfare. A while back, my 73-year-old mom came to stay with me. The next morning, when helping her with her luggage to her car, I realized she had unwittingly parked in a reserved spot, belonging to a neighbor I recognized.<\/p><p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=664\">Health trackers offer a ton of data. Here are the metrics doctors want you to pay attention to<\/a><\/p><\/div><div><p>Thankfully, they had enough empathy for my mom (and me) not to call a tow truck.<\/p><\/div><div><span>See More<!-- -->:<\/span><ul><li>Advice<\/li><li>Even Better<\/li><li>Life<\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><div><div><div><div><h2>More In The people next door<\/h2><span><span><span>See all<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div><div><div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"How to tell your neighbor they\u2019re annoying you\" class=\"wp-image-670\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/c566ac23b6ce02f5c104cf94746d9671-1014x1024.webp\" width=\"1014\" srcset=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/c566ac23b6ce02f5c104cf94746d9671-1014x1024.webp 1014w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/c566ac23b6ce02f5c104cf94746d9671-297x300.webp 297w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/c566ac23b6ce02f5c104cf94746d9671-150x150.webp 150w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/c566ac23b6ce02f5c104cf94746d9671-768x776.webp 768w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/c566ac23b6ce02f5c104cf94746d9671.webp 1267w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1014px) 100vw, 1014px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"How to tell your neighbor they\u2019re annoying you\" class=\"wp-image-671\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/3cde5e74c7a8ef623c297dffad874303-1024x683.webp\" width=\"1024\" srcset=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/3cde5e74c7a8ef623c297dffad874303-1024x683.webp 1024w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/3cde5e74c7a8ef623c297dffad874303-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/3cde5e74c7a8ef623c297dffad874303-768x512.webp 768w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/3cde5e74c7a8ef623c297dffad874303-1536x1024.webp 1536w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/3cde5e74c7a8ef623c297dffad874303.webp 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><div><div><div><div><div>How to tell your neighbor they\u2019re annoying you<\/div><\/div><div><span><span>By <\/span><span><span><span>Alex Abad-Santos<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div><div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"The drama-free guide to gossiping with your neighbors\" class=\"wp-image-656\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e9a061c9904a590153d16284c9a7387a-1014x1024.webp\" width=\"1014\" srcset=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e9a061c9904a590153d16284c9a7387a-1014x1024.webp 1014w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e9a061c9904a590153d16284c9a7387a-297x300.webp 297w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e9a061c9904a590153d16284c9a7387a-150x150.webp 150w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e9a061c9904a590153d16284c9a7387a-768x776.webp 768w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/e9a061c9904a590153d16284c9a7387a.webp 1267w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1014px) 100vw, 1014px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"The drama-free guide to gossiping with your neighbors\" class=\"wp-image-657\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/a0958566fcb156fd37deff8e916625d7-1024x683.webp\" width=\"1024\" srcset=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/a0958566fcb156fd37deff8e916625d7-1024x683.webp 1024w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/a0958566fcb156fd37deff8e916625d7-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/a0958566fcb156fd37deff8e916625d7-768x512.webp 768w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/a0958566fcb156fd37deff8e916625d7-1536x1024.webp 1536w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/a0958566fcb156fd37deff8e916625d7.webp 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><div><div><div><div><div>The drama-free guide to gossiping with your neighbors<\/div><\/div><div><span><span>By <\/span><span><span><span>Allie Volpe<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div><div>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"How to actually get to know your neighbors\" class=\"wp-image-658\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/73a21ee0fa9d71be97c03ed2d5edf5d9-1014x1024.webp\" width=\"1014\" srcset=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/73a21ee0fa9d71be97c03ed2d5edf5d9-1014x1024.webp 1014w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/73a21ee0fa9d71be97c03ed2d5edf5d9-297x300.webp 297w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/73a21ee0fa9d71be97c03ed2d5edf5d9-150x150.webp 150w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/73a21ee0fa9d71be97c03ed2d5edf5d9-768x776.webp 768w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/73a21ee0fa9d71be97c03ed2d5edf5d9.webp 1267w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1014px) 100vw, 1014px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"How to actually get to know your neighbors\" class=\"wp-image-659\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/cc478f9ab74d690ff3eb9c8ab1b55faf-1024x683.webp\" width=\"1024\" srcset=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/cc478f9ab74d690ff3eb9c8ab1b55faf-1024x683.webp 1024w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/cc478f9ab74d690ff3eb9c8ab1b55faf-300x200.webp 300w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/cc478f9ab74d690ff3eb9c8ab1b55faf-768x512.webp 768w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/cc478f9ab74d690ff3eb9c8ab1b55faf-1536x1024.webp 1536w, https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/cc478f9ab74d690ff3eb9c8ab1b55faf.webp 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><div><div><div><div><div>How to actually get to know your neighbors<\/div><\/div><div><span><span>By <\/span><span><span><span>Julia Sullivan<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\ufeffAnd what you can do to keep petty drama from escalating into all-out warfare.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":669,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-672","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Why neighbor feuds bring out the absolute worst in us - American Living Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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