{"id":627,"date":"2026-07-07T11:06:12","date_gmt":"2026-07-07T11:06:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=627"},"modified":"2026-07-07T11:06:12","modified_gmt":"2026-07-07T11:06:12","slug":"how-to-actually-get-to-know-your-neighbors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=627","title":{"rendered":"How to actually get to know your neighbors"},"content":{"rendered":"

As a 30-something who works remotely, I\u2019ve gone days<\/em> without speaking to another human. And after living in the same apartment complex for four years, I\u2019m ashamed to admit I don\u2019t know a single one of my neighbors.<\/p>

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My experience isn\u2019t totally aligned with the rest of the country. A 2025 Pew Research report found that about two-thirds of US adults know at least some of their neighbors. But a lot of those folks are older adults in suburban, home-owning environments, the report showed, and they\u2019re more likely to maintain relationships with the people next door. Millennials (aka me) and Gen Z, on the other hand, aren\u2019t nearly as likely to know who lives beside them, data suggests.<\/p><\/div>

There are some good reasons for this: A lot of Americans live in car-dependent places that can reduce opportunities for spur-of-the-moment socializing with people in our periphery. Many neighborhoods also have limited tenure rates, research shows, meaning that people are less likely to be integrated into communities long enough to develop any kind of meaningful connections. Meanwhile, the pandemic led to a decline in community life, and social distancing may have cemented more lasting solitary habits overall. And getting to know your neighbors in our current political climate can be stressful; if you\u2019re a Black or queer person or an immigrant, for example, knocking on a rando\u2019s door might feel like a naive or even dangerous act when you haven\u2019t a clue who is on the other side.<\/p><\/div>

Unwillingness to chit-chat while taking out the trash undoubtedly makes for a less buzzing social life, but as Daniel P. Aldrich, Dean\u2019s Professor of Resilience at Northeastern University, told Vox, refraining from community interaction isn\u2019t just isolating; it\u2019s dangerous.<\/p><\/div>

\u201cThe importance of neighbors literally cannot be understood until we recognize how much of our health and our lives depend on them,\u201d he explained. While a large chunk of adults rely on social media and digital communication to meet our social needs, Aldrich said that \u201cif anything goes wrong\u2026those online communities that we are so wedded to can\u2019t do anything at all.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

Aldrich points to Hurricane Katrina as an example. He and his team found that communities with more social capital \u2014 aka neighborhoods where people actually knew, and cared for, each other \u2014 were more resilient following disaster. \u201cFor those evacuees, having strong social ties in the neighborhood was one of the best predictors of good mental health,\u201d Aldrich said, adding that his own family living in New Orleans in 2005 was ultimately kept alive by their neighbors\u2019 quick actions.<\/p><\/div>

Here\u2019s how to get a relationship with the people closest to you blooming, an endeavor that might save your life \u2014 or just save you a trip to the store when you run out of sugar.<\/p><\/div>

Start small<\/h2><\/div><\/div>

Face-to-face interaction is paramount for everyone\u2019s health ; this is a well-documented fact. But as Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy in Los Angeles, told Vox, if you\u2019re nervous about talking with a neighbor, that\u2019s totally understandable. \u201cMost of the people that are in the world around you are also wanting more connection,\u201d she explained. \u201cI know that it\u2019s scary, and I don\u2019t want to invalidate that it\u2019s scary. I can so appreciate the fear of rejection. It is really vulnerable to put yourself out there.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

Lurie advises starting small. \u201cGive yourself a chance to say, \u2018I\u2019m going to say hello to 10 people in the next week or month and keep track of how many say hello back,\u2019\u201d she noted. \u201cThat can be a way to test the idea, \u2018Is this as scary as I feel that it is?\u2019 I would really imagine most people would be receptive and even eager to start connecting.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

When Leigha Bone, 39, first moved into her Mesa, Arizona, home, she made it a point to wave to everyone she passed on the street. \u201cEven if they seemed reserved or standoffish, I would shove down my ego and decide that I would be positive, charming, and friendly,\u201d she told Vox. \u201cI accepted that I might be rejected or embarrassed but kept that nice, Ted Lasso\/Michael Scott energy.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

You don\u2019t necessarily need to be best buddies with your neighbors to reap the benefits of community. \u201cWhen we first moved in, we briefly said hello to an elderly man who lives on one side of our condominium,\u201d Aldrich recalled. \u201cGradually, we learned his name, invited him to our Passover seder, and then received a copy of his key. That proved quite handy when, after not hearing from him for a full day, we knocked on the door, used the key he gave us to unlock it, and found that he had fallen and was unable to call for help. We called an ambulance, helped him sit up, and ensured medical professionals took care of him. We check on him regularly and help him however we can.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

As for screens, Aldrich and Lurie said our phones aren\u2019t necessarily prohibitive to meeting your neighbors. They can be really helpful if, for example, you are disabled or have social anxiety. The key is to treat them more like a starting point than the endpoint. But don\u2019t discount the power of repeated<\/em> in-person presence and warmth. Lurie got to know a neighbor she\u2019s still in touch with (even after they both moved away!) with a simple exchange of hellos. \u201cOver time, those hellos developed into longer conversations,\u201d she recalled. \u201cWe spent time together outside the apartment and would also stop by each other\u2019s apartments to connect and discuss our days and situations we were trying to navigate. But our friendship developed gradually and over time, and it still stands today.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

Put your personality on display and be on the lookout for identifiers in others <\/h2><\/div><\/div>

When writer (and occasional Vox contributor) Julia Ries Wexler, 38, first moved to Los Angeles in 2017, she\u2019d frequently take her dog, Ollie, out for walks at the park near her apartment complex. And though her downstairs neighbor, Nancy Blaine, didn\u2019t have a dog, her own neighborhood watch committee \u2014 consisting of two curious cats \u2014 would spot Wexler and Ollie passing by. After a few weeks of polite head nods, the two eventually struck up a conversation about their love for animals.<\/p>

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\u201cShe would be outside feeding the birds and the squirrels, and she would teach me a little bit about the different kinds of birds that lived in the park that we live next to,\u201d Wexler said. \u201cI just feel like there was a really strong shared love of animals that helped our friendship develop, as well.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

When a modest earthquake struck the city, Blaine tried to help her (understandably freaked out) new Angelino neighbor feel a bit more comfortable in the aftermath. \u201cI felt very important and heroic in being youthful to my friend,\u201d Blaine, who\u2019s 25 years Wexler\u2019s senior, told Vox. \u201cBut I felt an affinity toward her.\u201d Though Wexler has since moved away, the two remain in close contact.<\/p><\/div>

39-year-old Heather Mayer Irvine, who lives in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, says that bringing her 6-year-old daughter out on walks in the neighborhood has been key to striking up conversations. \u201cWe moved to this neighborhood when she was 18 months, and she\u2019s always been on the lookout for friends and dogs,\u201d she told Vox. \u201cMy husband and I have definitely met and started relationships with more neighbors because of her. She\u2019ll run out, \u2018can I pet your dog?\u2019, and 15 minutes later, we\u2019re chatting with the adults.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

Though we don\u2019t all have dogs or kids to help lubricate social interactions, Lurie says that having some type of conversation-starting item on you \u2014 and looking for similar things in others \u2014 helps a lot. That can range from an object that puts your personality on display (say, a prominent bumper sticker or band t-shirt) or a hobby (perhaps you take a book or knitting outside on a nice day).<\/p><\/div>

Find a neighborhood-adjacent third space <\/h2><\/div><\/div>

Spending time in a \u201cthird space\u201d \u2014 aka a spot besides work and home, like the gym or a coffee shop \u2014 in your neighborhood (if there is one) can have a major positive impact on your psychological health and make it easier to get seamless connections going. Byron Cordero, a 37-year-old living in Miami, always makes it a point to \u201cattend the cute, and maybe corny, Taco Tuesday or rooftop yoga Wednesday\u201d held by his apartment complex to get to know neighbors in a new spot. And Ruth Furman, a 59-year-old from Las Vegas, developed friendships in her neighborhood pool through a water aerobics class. Even though Furman is the youngest in the group, she told Vox, \u201cwe share suggestions and stories about goings-on in the neighborhood, plus tips on shared interests, like thrift stores and free classes through the local libraries.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

Geoffrey Radcliffe, 47, also from Las Vegas, says he has several genuine friendships with his neighbors \u2014 something he credits, in part, to his condo\u2019s proximity to a lake with a walking path. So when he\u2019s craving connection, he\u2019ll whip up a drink \u2014 he calls it a \u201cwalk-tail\u201d \u2014 and head out to the lake. \u201cFor initial anxiety, a cocktail generally makes someone more talkative,\u201d he told Vox. With a bit of liquid courage, Radcliffe will typically ask a passerby their dog or child\u2019s name, how long they\u2019ve lived in their home, what they like to do for fun \u2014 anything to keep the convo flowing. \u201cThese types of questions are easy to answer, and you can really get to know someone this way. If your neighbors aren\u2019t into it, don\u2019t push; they\u2019ll come around when they see how much [fun] all the others on the block are having.\u201d<\/p><\/div>

His one warning? Limit yourself to a single walk-tail. \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t overdo it, or you\u2019ll end up making out with a single neighbor, and that\u2019s generally not the best idea,\u201d he explained. (That\u2019s up for debate, of course, depending on what kind of connection you\u2019re seeking out!)<\/p><\/div>

Grow the relationship through mutual favors<\/h2><\/div><\/div>

Flashing a warm smile at a stranger will make you both feel good in the moment, but Lurie said that building community won\u2019t happen overnight. \u201cKnowing that it\u2019s going to take time is really important. I also think that, with consistent efforts to extend a hand, it becomes a bit easier, and people become more receptive, and they\u2019re going to often want to reciprocate too, and so, things can snowball in a really positive direction,\u201d she said.<\/p><\/div>

One surefire way to strengthen the connection, per Lurie? Favors. \u201cReciprocity is also a tool that really helps us come into closer contact with people,\u201d she explained. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to be something fancy or formal,\u201d Aldrich added. It could be as simple as saying, \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to Target. Do you need anything?\u201d<\/p><\/div>

When Edna Angie Frank, 37, moved into (and then began remodeling) her Paradise Valley, Arizona, home, she felt the cold shoulder from her neighbors immediately. \u201cNo one likes neighbors who remodel \u2014 duh,\u201d she joked. Still, Frank was eager to make connections, and when she noticed her elderly neighbor living alone (who also seemed shunned by others on the block for being \u201cgrumpy,\u201d Frank said), she decided to show up with homemade tacos. Today, Frank regularly checks up on the woman, helps put up her holiday decor, and takes out her trash. \u201cNow, we\u2019re besties. All it took was some Mexican food,\u201d she said.<\/p><\/div>

The bottom line: Try to see a connection with your neighbors as an investment in your health and happiness, not a chore. \u201cOftentimes when we\u2019re working from home, the last thing we think about is touching our neighbors \u2014 getting in touch with them, getting to know their names \u2014 but that is so important,\u201d Aldrich says. \u201cFor me, there is no level of investment in neighbors that is not worth it.\u201d<\/p>

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