{"id":443,"date":"2026-06-19T13:07:53","date_gmt":"2026-06-19T13:07:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=443"},"modified":"2026-06-19T13:07:53","modified_gmt":"2026-06-19T13:07:53","slug":"feel-like-a-late-bloomer-youre-not-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=443","title":{"rendered":"Feel like a late bloomer? You\u2019re not alone."},"content":{"rendered":"
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Allora Dannon didn\u2019t notice when her younger siblings started dating before she did, and she was mostly focused on her academics when her college classmates were rotating through hookups. But, sometime in her mid-20s, she looked up and realized her little sisters were getting married and having kids and she hadn\u2019t even been on a first date.<\/p>\n

Read more Why LA\u2019s mayor doesn\u2019t have much power<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cMy youngest sister \u2014 there\u2019s a 16-year age gap between us \u2014 she had her first kiss and went through two boyfriends before I even went on a first date,\u201d Dannon, now 35, tells Vox. \u201cI\u2019m really good at celebrating other people. I love sharing other people\u2019s joy. However, I internalized so much, like there just must be something grotesquely wrong about me.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Dannon had traveled the world and enjoyed a rich social life, and she couldn\u2019t entirely understand why, for some people \u2014 most people, it seemed \u2014 getting into a relationship was so easy, but not for her.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Dannon is, by all accounts, a late bloomer: someone who hits milestones, like love, homeownership, established career, and parenthood, on a longer timeline than their peers. It\u2019s not so much the shame that often comes with being a late bloomer that makes it hard \u2014 though there\u2019s plenty of that, Dannon says; it\u2019s the creeping resentment, and frustration as you watch the people you care about move onto new life stages while you stay in the same place. It\u2019s the feeling that, after years of attending others\u2019 bridal showers and bachelorette parties and housewarmings and weddings and baby showers and kid birthday parties, it might never be your turn.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Being a good friend means celebrating others\u2019 milestones, which many late bloomers say they are genuinely happy about. But it can be difficult not to think about what you want, and what you seemingly lack, every time another invitation comes in the mail. Especially when you\u2019re patiently waiting for your moment to come around.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cTwo things can exist at once: Your joy for people experiencing these life events, but also your grief that your life is not unfolding the way you thought it would and you didn\u2019t think it was,\u201d Dannon says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The modern late bloomer experience<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Because so many of life\u2019s major turning points \u2014 going to college, graduating, living on your own, landing a dream job, starting a life with your dream partner \u2014 typically occur in a person\u2019s 20s, this decade of life and shortly thereafter is when you\u2019re most prone to feeling behind the curve, according to Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a professor of psychology at Clark University and author of Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties<\/em>. And this remains true despite the fact that American culture has changed dramatically, and timelines have shifted for everyone. More people are getting married late in their 20s and into their 30s versus their early 20s, as they were in the 1960s. The median age of a first-time homebuyer is 40 years old. The average first-time mother is . Fewer 21-year-olds have a full-time job now than did in 1980. Today\u2019s economic landscape, where young people are saddled with thousands of dollars of student loan debt, stagnant wages, plus a volatile real estate environment, has hindered their ability to meet these milestones.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cEmerging adults are reaching those milestones of adult life later, and there\u2019s a certain stigma associated with it, even though it\u2019s perfectly understandable, even healthy, to make these transitions later,\u201d Arnett says. \u201cThere\u2019s a certain stigma associated with it. \u2026 Emerging adults are very aware of that, and it\u2019s not helpful to them.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Despite the generational shift in attainment, many young people are still measuring themselves with the traditional timeline. And when they diverge, they internalize it; the problem isn\u2019t the game is rigged, it\u2019s that they\u2019re losing, the thinking goes. \u201cIf you\u2019re way off the norm, then you ask yourself, well, why is that? Why am I different? There is something wrong with me,\u201d Arnett says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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When her friends were advancing in their careers, Cindy Noir was filing for bankruptcy at 28 years old. She\u2019d moved to Dallas a few years prior to pursue content creation and to start her own business, and even though she was earning money, she quickly accrued debt trying \u201cto show that I\u2019m living the life,\u201d she says: an expensive car, a penthouse apartment. \u201cThings came crashing down very quickly,\u201d she says. She moved home to Atlanta with debt, regret, and the feeling that she\u2019d failed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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At the same time, Noir, now 30, was on Instagram watching her friends travel together, getting promotions, buying cars they seemingly could afford. \u201cWhen we go out for dinner together, they\u2019re ordering two and three drinks and they\u2019re ordering an appetizer and an entree and looking at the dessert menu, and I\u2019m trying to figure out if I can afford to get a drink outside of water,\u201d she says. She\u2019s genuinely happy for their success and progress in life, but there are times when she wonders when her turn will come.<\/p>\n

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\u201cOne day, I would like to be married, and one day I would like to have kids. One day, I\u2019d like to make a certain amount of money for what I do,\u201d Noir says. \u201cSeeing my friends already doing it did call into question\u2026what have I been doing and why is my life path so different and so seemingly negative compared to theirs? All of that really gets to you when you feel like your peers are on this natural ascension and your life feels so wonky and there\u2019s no rhyme or reason.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The sting of comparison and envy<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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One of our most persistent habits as humans is : their appearance, their home, their successes, their weaknesses. In doing so, we believe we can get a more accurate picture of how we\u2019re doing in life and where we can improve. And the sheer number of people we can potentially weigh ourselves against on social media exacerbates the comparisons. From there, envy can arise. As I\u2019ve previously written for Vox, we\u2019re especially prone to feeling envious of the people we see as being the most like us: Same gender, same age, on a similar trajectory.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Larry Lian, a 28-year-old marketing manager, began pivoting his career toward content creation a few months ago but says some of his friends who began doing the same thing even more recently have already seen greater success. \u201cThere is an element of envy in there,\u201d Lian says. It isn\u2019t that he wishes his friends weren\u2019t flourishing or that he doesn\u2019t want to celebrate their wins. Lian just wants a sliver of the pie, too. \u201cYou want to clap for others,\u201d he says, \u201cin the hope that one day it will be your turn where people clap for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Lian has never told his buddies how he feels. \u201cI think because you do feel insecure talking about it with your friends, there\u2019s an element of shame in there,\u201d he says. He also doesn\u2019t want them to think he\u2019s riding their coattails. Similarly, Noir, the content creator who filed for bankruptcy, has kept her insecurities to herself. \u201cMy ego, if I\u2019m being honest, doesn\u2019t want me to admit to defeat in that way,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Dannon, whose younger siblings found love before her, decided to go the opposite route and open up about it. At age 32, she posted to her few dozen TikTok followers: Hi, I\u2019m Allora. I\u2019m 32. I\u2019ve never been on a date, I\u2019ve never been kissed<\/em>. \u201cAll of a sudden, so many people were like, \u2018Oh my gosh, me too. I had never heard anyone talk about this,\u2019\u201d Dannon says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Giving voice to your late bloomer side can help you mourn the loss of the version of life you thought you\u2019d have. \u201cLet yourself feel that loss instead of pretending it doesn\u2019t matter, or ignoring it. Then redirect that energy toward what\u2019s actually in front of you: building your actual life,\u201d therapist Israa Nasir, author of Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More<\/em>,<\/em> tells Vox in an email. Ask yourself whose timelines are you on \u2014 your own, society\u2019s, or your family\u2019s? What is it that you value and want out of life?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Finally blooming<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Three years after posting that video, Dannon bloomed: She recently got married. The attention she received was far beyond the response to anything she\u2019d accomplished when she was single, she says. This wellspring of love and support was validation that she wasn\u2019t imagining things: People are<\/em> more excited for you when you hit normative milestones. \u201cHaving gone through so many weddings and then now my own, and having exist[ed] far longer as a single person than as this person in a relationship, it\u2019s just a stark contrast and almost relieving to be like, I felt like I was on the outside of something that I really wanted, and that was hard. And you know what? I was right,\u201d Dannon says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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It might be cold comfort to hear that what you\u2019re feeling as a late bloomer is real. But life is more than sticking to a prescribed timeline. \u201cThere\u2019s always a lot of individual differences around the norm,\u201d Arnett, the psychology professor, says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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So celebrate those differences that come with being a late bloomer: all the maturity you\u2019ve built, the patience you\u2019ve cultivated. These are just as worthy of commemorating as marriage or homeownership. \u201cYou didn\u2019t rush into a career you\u2019d outgrow, or you didn\u2019t marry the first person because you wanted to be \u2018on time,\u2019\u201d Nasir says. \u201cLate bloomers often have clearer boundaries, more self-knowledge, and less compliance. Reflect on what you have learned about yourself or the world because you took the longer path.\u201d<\/p>\n

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