{"id":413,"date":"2026-06-17T11:05:44","date_gmt":"2026-06-17T11:05:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=413"},"modified":"2026-06-17T11:05:44","modified_gmt":"2026-06-17T11:05:44","slug":"how-to-turn-casual-friends-into-close-ones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=413","title":{"rendered":"How to turn casual friends into close ones"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When I first moved to New York in my mid-20s for a new job, I arrived as a lone wolf. I didn\u2019t have any friends or family members living in the city, just a few phone numbers (my older sister\u2019s friends) to contact in the case of an emergency. So I immediately started to work on addressing this.<\/p>\n

Read more 10 things Elon Musk can \u2014 but probably won\u2019t \u2014 do with $1 trillion<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I met up with some virtual pals who I knew lived in the city \u2014 people I talked to on X, and women from my journalism and reality-TV group chats. I made sure to hang out with my new colleagues outside of work. I even kept in touch with a potential roommate I didn\u2019t end up living with.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Then came a terrifying realization after about a year and a half in. While I had fully mastered the art of putting myself out there, I hadn\u2019t formed that many close<\/em> bonds. I had no problem initiating hangouts and showing up to whatever gatherings I was invited to. But I realized a lot of these new friends didn\u2019t know me that<\/em> well \u2014 and vice versa. Many of our conversations stayed at a surface level (\u201cHow\u2019s work going?\u201d \u201cDid you watch the latest Vanderpump Rules<\/em>?\u201d). People I hung out with regularly still didn\u2019t know crucial parts of my lore. And I was shy about asking people more about their own history.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Subconsciously, I was making the same mistake that Jaimie Krems, an associate professor of social psychology at UCLA, says a lot of people make when forging new connections. \u201cWe have this error in our heads, this bias in the direction of \u2018people don\u2019t like us as much as we want them to,\u2019\u201d Krems tells Vox. \u201cThat\u2019s just not true, and it keeps us from being close to people.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Insecurities aren\u2019t the only thing that can inhibit closeness. In adulthood, we naturally have less time to spend nurturing friendships due to our jobs, families, and other obligations. Relationship psychologist Marisa G. Franco tells Vox that adults are often less vulnerable when making friends compared to when we were children. Studies demonstrate that platonic intimacy is a common, if not growing, problem. A 2023 Pew Research survey found that 8 percent of Americans have no close friends, and 7 percent have only one close friend. For men, the numbers are a bit more concerning. In a 2021 American Perspectives Survey, 15 percent of male participants reported having no close friends, compared to 10 percent of women. That\u2019s a lot of lonely people.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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If you\u2019re struggling to build closeness, there are several ways to elevate your current relationships and take yourself out of the casual-friend zone. Experts say it requires intentionality, a little creativity, and, ultimately, not stressing too much about how you\u2019re perceived.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cRepot\u201d your relationships<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Franco points to the concept of \u201crepotting,\u201d a technique coined by Ryan Hubbard, a researcher and the founder of the Kitestring Project, which focuses on finding and keeping close friends. Repotting simply means varying the environments where you interact with your casual friends, similar to the way you might transfer overgrown houseplants to a larger vessel. The idea is that friendships can only grow so big in a small context.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cIf you meet someone in one setting, like work, ask them to hang out outside of work \u2014 go to dinner or go to an event,\u201d says Franco, who wrote the book Platonic: H<\/em>ow the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make \u2014 and Keep \u2014 Friends<\/em>. \u201cThat\u2019s going to make the relationship more resilient for when, let\u2019s say, you\u2019re no longer in a shared work setting.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Creating new memories outside of the same old environments can be \u201creally powerful,\u201d Franco adds. You could propose a more adventurous activity, like a ceramics class or an experiential restaurant, to create a more memorable experience. (Research has found that engaging in novel activities has a positive impact on couples.) But a simple coffee date or trip to the movies works too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Be there for them during crucial life moments<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Franco encourages people to show up for their trivia buddies or friendly colleagues during what she calls \u201cdiagnostic moments,\u201d which are \u201cmoments of high or low emotion.\u201d These joyous or tough time periods \u2014 and the people who were present for them \u2014 tend to stick out in our memory, she says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cHow people show up when we\u2019re going through the best and worst experience of our lives really disproportionately predicts how we view the relationship overall.\u201d Franco says. \u201cIf you really want to get close to someone, when they\u2019re going through a hard time, that\u2019s your time to check in.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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This doesn\u2019t require making grand gestures, either. For example, if your neighbor mentions they are going through a breakup, you could drop off cookies at their door. If your friend gets a promotion at work, take them out for a drink to celebrate. If they mention something they are excited or worried about, make a point to ask them how it went. These low-effort acts of kindness are a huge way to let others know we want to be a part of their lives.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Don\u2019t be scared to ask for favors<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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On a similar note, letting your casual friends know when you<\/em> need help can be impactful as well. So don\u2019t be afraid to ask for the occasional favor.<\/p>\n

Read more You\u2019re paying for Trump\u2019s ballroom<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Krems says that, across small-scale societies, \u201cfeelings of closeness that are characteristic of friendship get ratcheted up over time through giving gifts and favors.\u201d This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as the \u201cBen Franklin effect,\u201d because the Founding Father claimed that asking his political rivals for help with small requests was an effective way to soften their feelings toward him. \u201cThe bottom line is that when we do a favor for somebody, we often end up liking them better,\u201d Krems says.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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So if you have a friend who you don\u2019t feel cool enough with to ask for help, you may want to do it anyway. If you\u2019re visiting a place they\u2019re familiar with, ask them for restaurant recommendations. If you need someone to water your plants while you\u2019re out of town, don\u2019t be scared to ask if they\u2019d swing by. Or, like Franklin famously did, you can just ask to borrow a specific book.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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If you\u2019re feeling anxious about asking for help, Krems suggests recalling how good it feels whenever you\u2019re able to be a resource to a friend.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Actually tell your friends that you like them \u2014 and don\u2019t worry about being seen as \u201ccringe\u201d<\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Sometimes we expect people to know exactly how we feel about them based on our mere presence. My new friend must know I enjoy our coffee dates if I\u2019m setting aside time to hang out with her.<\/em> If I come to a co-worker\u2019s birthday party, he must know I appreciated the invite?<\/em> Right?<\/em> Not always.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Franco says that voicing how much you value and enjoy spending time with your friends can help take those connections to the next level. In fact, it\u2019s one of the biggest predictors of depth in a relationship.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cThere\u2019s this study that tracked friendship pairs over time and saw which one of them deepened, which one of them maintained, and which one of them fell away,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd one of the biggest predictors was how much affection was shared between the two of them.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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She adds that showing affection is a powerful tool because of something called risk regulation theory. Essentially, human beings decide which relationships to invest in based, in part, on how likely we feel we are to get rejected. So finding casual ways to make it clear that you\u2019re into the friendship goes a long way.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In practice, this might look like texting a friend ahead of your planned hangout to let them know you\u2019re excited to see them. Or, if you vented to someone about a problem you\u2019re having, let them know that you appreciated them listening to you.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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And don\u2019t be afraid that being emotionally honest is going to mean you come across as \u201ccringe.\u201d The fear of being perceived as too earnest, eager, or sentimental has apparently spawned a social epidemic of young people who are scared to put themselves out there online and in-person because they are afraid of being mocked or rejected. In a 2026 Yahoo\/YouGov poll, 55 percent of Gen Z respondents said that the fear of looking cringe has prevented them from opening up emotionally compared to 37 percent of millennials.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Franco says this culture of nonchalance and inexpressiveness goes hand in hand with the struggle to build close friendships nowadays.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cI feel like people veered toward\u2026not wanting to show any interest in anyone, but that\u2019s really wrong if you want to connect with people,\u201d Franco says. \u201cAnything that you do to show someone you like and value them is going to bring you closer to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Why the Supreme Court is fighting over deadly gas and firing squads<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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See More:<\/span><\/p>\n
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  • Advice<\/li>\n
  • Even Better<\/li>\n
  • Friendship<\/li>\n
  • Life<\/li>\n
  • Relationships<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    \ufeffBuilding platonic intimacy takes intention, creativity, and a little vulnerability.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":412,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-413","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to turn casual friends into close ones - American Living Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=413\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to turn casual friends into close ones - American Living Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\ufeffBuilding platonic intimacy takes intention, creativity, and a little vulnerability.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/americanlivingreport.com\/?p=413\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"American Living Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-17T11:05:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7b970e3bc484fe2e26860a4380d70de8\"},\"headline\":\"How to turn casual friends into close ones\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-17T11:05:44+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413\"},\"wordCount\":1555,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/06\\\/96f9794ac7ac75b69c5abbc2b977778d.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Interesting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/americanlivingreport.com\\\/?p=413\",\"name\":\"How to turn casual friends into close ones - 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